It’s 2 am in the morning. She still hasn’t slept and can’t understand why she is wide awake at this hour. Suddenly the familiar feeling that all her life has been carefully planned by someone else hits her. It’s not like it’s a coincidence that she bought this exact apartment. It sounded a bit crazy but for her it was pure logic, just really hard to explain to anyone else. It had been too easy to start, the price and the ease that came with selling her old apartment. It all went extremely fast and her mum hadn’t hasitated at all even though there were some big renovations needed and she did literally just move across the street.
You could call it unnecessary and even careless to leave a newly renovated apartment that was just as perfect as it could be. But for herself it was a relief. Perhaps because of the factors that could not be perfected, like the bad ventilation and the floor plan. Of course the kitchen renovation in the new apartment was tiresome but the new kitchen was fresh and sophisticated. Not quite as practical as her last kitchen (which she designed with a bliss), but more genuine and with better appliances.
She had been happy here most of the time. The hallway with wallpaper from Morris & Co and ridiculously expensive flooring was just a treat! She had started to become a little tired of the bold dark blue and yellow photo wallpaper in the living room, but imagined that it was because she had left the other walls untreated and didn’t even paint the old moldings and cracked windowsills. And now she would be forced to move. It had been in her thoughts for a while, but felt so stupid and unnecessary. Not to mention how hard it was to find first floor apartments that matched her claims.

She actually wanted a bigger apartment. Suddenly she felt the longing for an extra room, an office and perhaps a guest room. If Max wanted to stay over or maybe when her nieces got older they would come visit. That thought made her feel really old, but also very happy. She loved her nieces and to spend time alone with them was something that made her feel like she was a responsible and good person. It did of course also say that she would continue to live alone and without kids of her own, but that was nothing new really. But the apartment was just one pice of the story. The other was her work place.
Her job had just became so much better in so many ways. New colleagues, conferences, stronger incentive and promises of more fun tasks in the future. But now she could barley work one week without getting sick. She had always been I healthy person with few sick days and now she could barely last four a week. It was hard to understand, to grasp all the pieces and put them together. Was she over worked? Was it the new medication? Allergies? Pollen? The cats? But then she had the strongest reaction at the gym and an important piece fell into place.

The basement of the gym had ben flooded in the heavy rains the previous summer, she could see now that it was not an accident. She had been there herself to help out, but mostly listening to the gym owner talking about music and philosophy and carrying wet floor mats out to dry. But the smell had never really gone despite the powerful dehumidifier and as a microbiologist she should have known that that meant mould. But so what? Would that be so bad? She never reacted to that before. But for someone who had a mold problem both at home and at work maybe that was just too much. And now she felt bad after just spending 30 minutes in that basement.

But as if it was part of a plan the real estate agent had called her and made the best deal ever, she couldn’t say now, she wouldn’t even have to move if she didn’t want to.
The sales ad for her apartment had been ready for months now and when she went online to search for a new potential home she found numerous first floor apartments. But in another part of town, her second favorite actually, but it couldn’t be a coincidence? Absolutely not! But it was probably too soon to say what was going to happen, she new that from previous experiences, things rarely turned out how she’d expect them to. Mostly she had to figure out something that she did not want to do for some reason and do it and then things would start to happen. She had a hunch what it was this time. But she had no clue how to do it, not even in theory. She didn’t even believe it to be possible. How do you heal things that have always been broken? How do you change your strongest instinct? Your gut feeling. How could one live being so vulnerable and even thrive? It seemed like I mystery, like she didn’t have it in her.
And what if she did it anyway, would she be free after that, most certainly not. Things would just go on and on and on. She felt like a bird inside a cage. A talking parrot perhaps, really smart but still in a cage. But she had to get rid of the mould somehow.